We have embraced Yuletide alongside advent!! Next week we will light a fire (inside or out depending on weather) listen to Christmas music and I’ll make soup or chili and we make Yule “logs” to throw in the fire - we write wishes on little pieces of paper, put them in paper towel rolls and wrap them up in colorful tissue paper! ✨✨ I’m glad your season is feeling a bit slower and intentional this year - I feel “behind” on my gift buying/wrapping and then I feel angsty about it, but I’m also finding small moments to be still or doodle or read in the dark quiet.
Can we talk more about “secular Christian” though!!! Let’s make that a thing! 😂
I did not know about the Yule logs with wishes that you burn! Clearly there's so much more research I can do about this. My kids are too young still to get much of this (at least the littlest one is, definitely) but this gives me such optimism for creating meaningful family / spiritual / secular-religious traditions in the future!!
Ooh, now I want to do some research on Yuletide celebrations (it was always just a word I associated with Christmas. I didn’t know it was a thing in itself 😂). That sounds lovely. Writing wishes feels a lot like a turn bedtime prayers with my daughter have recently taken. I always try and pray in ways that feel good. Sometimes praying to Jesus feels good. Sometimes to sacred mother. Lately an embodied metaphor for the divine hasn’t felt good, so I started simply declaring “I ask for...” and naming my prayers. It feels so good to me to be able to access prayer, and your Yuletide celebration sounds like a form of that.
I’ve been trying to clarifying my vision for my substack by reworking my about page, and I feel like some form of secular Christianity is what I’m leaning in to. Although it’s very EARNEST secular Christianity, not *chill* secular Christianity, so it may not be what everyone is after 😂
Yes! Add another vote for "earnest secular Christian" over here!! I love that 😍
Really appreciate your efforts to modify prayers in a way that still feels authentic to where you're at. My daughter is juuuust starting to talk about God / Jesus / prayers (from preschool mostly) and I haven't figured out yet how I want to respond / guide / participate yet, but there are such good ideas here!
Nice! I found it online! I'll be at a bookstore later today (I'm in Nashville, land of so many bookstores, apparently) and you've inspired me to browse and see what else I can find - maybe even this book!
With everyone putting lights up around their house from Halloween to New Years (and beyond) I've decided that light in the dark months must be a serious need for humans, I've decided to call this sea son the Festival of Lights and just enjoy what the pagans are doing.
The Festival of Lights, all winter long! Love it. It does seem silly to me that we should take our Christmas lights down so soon after Christmas - it's still dark and cold and those lights bring such cheer!
I love this. Whenever people complain about Christmas lights going up so early, I always quietly think “but maybe it’s not about Christmas? Maybe the lights just make winter feel better?”
Honestly, I don’t overthink it. I love classic Christmas carols and movies, Santa, elves, North Pole, Charlie Brown, Frosty, Rudolf, and the Jesus nativity manger thing with the wise men. I don’t have to believe anything to enjoy the traditions I’ve always enjoyed. If pressed to think about it, I can see the baby Jesus story as a metaphor for spiritual rebirth after times of dull routine or stress, and the wise men as honoring rebirth and growth in ourselves and others. Christmas is also a festival of lights during the darkest time of year, so I can enjoy celebrating a return of the light to come in the new year. I’ve never been able to get into the solstice for some reason, maybe because Christmas overshadows it so much.
I can appreciate this perspective! And honestly you saying this makes me realize how much specific family stuff -- outside of religious stuff -- has colored for years how I feel about Christmas. I'm finally getting to a place now, now that I have kids of my own, where I can find joy in Christmas and get excited about things. And I do love the festival of lights idea!
I’m enjoying simplicity this year. I’ve always leaned so hard into the nostalgia Christmas evokes for me, that it sort of becomes a part time job. But I think all the work I’ve done this year on being at home in my body (my first ever full year of therapy!) is paying off this Christmas season. My 4-year-old is in semi-burnout so our household has been a radically low demand space for the last couple months, and I’ve been deeply attentive to the small joys that arise when no one is trying to do or be anything (this attentiveness has been necessary to keep my own anxiety at bay). I feel like the celebration of Christmas is falling into the natural rhythms of joy that inhabit our lives.
I also think letting go of what doesn’t feel good makes room for what does feel good to grow. For some reason my faith shift brought with it an aversion to Christmas trees (but I still love to cozy up to a good Santa story or churchy Christmas music--I don’t know, nervous system, but okay?). So there’s a christmas tree in my in laws side of the home that the family can enjoy but not in my living room (we live in a multigenerational duplex with some shared space). My daughter does not want for a second to veer away from her favorite show to watch Christmas movies, so we are rolling through the Christmas season watching Dino trucks and only Dino trucks. It’s just so nice to do what feels good and let go of what doesn’t, and not read too much into it.
Wow! SO much work you've been doing (therapeutically) to attend to your and your family's needs and be at home in your body! I am so glad for you that those evolutions have occurred, and that you're finding the small joys wherever you are able to.
Lol that the trees are triggering but the churchy Christmas music is not - and love how you just lean into that and go with it.
YES to this: "It’s just so nice to do what feels good and let go of what doesn’t, and not read too much into it." I love that approach 💛
We are doing the Solstice thing in the Ecovillage I live in, and making lanterns this weekend for it. We will have a fire and bestow Solstice blessings on one another.
As someone in their deconstruction phase and small kids I resonate with all the things in this post deeply.
Relating to all of this! I celebrate Christmas and the Solstice (in a witchy way). I was just writing about this last night, and I have a post about this subject coming up next week. This year, my partner and I are likely going to two Christmas Eve services (one at a liberal mainline church with really good music and one at a UU church). Earlier in the week, we are also going on a Solstice forest hike with a local witchy group, and I'm going to a Yule arts-and-crafts event a few days after Christmas. Cheers to a festive and life-giving and restful time for all!
Love love love that! I so wish there was a liberal mainline church with really good music, and/or a UU church, in our town! Alas. And you found a witchy group to be part of! I am so delighted at the ways you're able to find and embrace these religious / spiritual / witchy things of the season!
I really relate to this! We’ve struggled with Christmas the last few years, too. Right now we are enjoying rewatching Christmas movies (like Rudolph, the Grinch, and It’s a Wonderful Life) and staying close to home. Last year we celebrated the actual day with a fellow ex-evangelical family in our city. But I like your question about the ideal or dream scenario—really helps to imagine what could be possible!
I have to say, I'm feeling very inspired by what other people here are doing for their celebrations! It feels weird to be in the in-between where you aren't sure yet what feels good and meaningful and also not triggering old religious stuff. So good to have another exvangelical family in the area you can spend some holiday time with though. Hoping we can both figure out some new traditions (dream scenarios!) as our kids get older! 💛
I saw 'Savior Baby Jesus' in your title and started imagining an evangelical parody of Santa Baby - something like this: "Baby Jesus, I know you're gonna die on a tree, for me/ 'Cause I'm such a bad girl/ Baby Jesus, we celebrate your birthday tonight!"
I’m doing as little as possible, while still trying to celebrate winter. We have a tree up that isn’t decorated (yet, maybe never). I want to incorporate more Yule festivities. In my alternate universe, I’d be doing some witchy things with friends, too.
I so appreciate the intentionality of this approach. No need to do more. In the ancient days it's not like anyone strung electric lights on trees 🤷♀️ I hope both of our futures might incorporate, somehow, some witchy things with friends!
As I'm feeling particularly grinch-like this season, I'm so thankful to come across your post. Christmas is a time of stress with extra tasks like managing the social calendar, gift shopping, and decorating. I continue to simplify (read 'do less'). I I long for quiet...a time of reflection and re-alignment as I contemplate the new year. THAT'S what I want my season to look like. I'm not sure I have that luxury with one more child to finish raising.Traditions are so important, but the right ones, and I don't find meaning in the old ones. And I'm one tired single mom who'd like to toss it all back, allow for the sadness I feel at this time of year, and leave space for answers to bubble up. No answers yet, but you've got me thinking more. Thanks!
The busyness of the season and the pressures to do it all make me feel grumpy - or, grinch-like! - too. I liked what Stephanie said about doing as little as possible. I feel that about longing for tradition but needing them to be the right ones. Holding space for you and the sadness and the strange in-between-ness while we wait to see what ends up emerging for us!
Oh I am feeling this so hard this year. This is the year I said I don't believe in these Christian stories anymore. I'm not quite ready to not call myself a Christian though... But I also don't want to celebrate or sing about a holiday I don't believe in anymore. I have a 3 year old as well and am struggling a bit about what to say about it all. I hope more people weigh in because I'd love to hear some support.
Oh Jackie, I remember so well what that era felt like - it is not easy 💛 I've found that reading some alternate interpretations of the Christian Christmas story (I think maybe Sarah Bessey posted something a few years ago about Mary being in the home of relatives, not alone in a stable, and it was a total reframe) that was helpful in seeing the story differently and letting it be about the meaning of what went on, not the actualities of what literally did or didn't happen. I also think that learning a little bit about how the Christmas themes show up in different traditions -- like themes of "born of a virgin" to signify the character is very important and unique, or why we decided Christmas should be celebrated at the darkest time of the year -- all that helps me. I think how I've learned to deal with it is to see the bigger human themes in these specific beliefs that most Christians take very literally, and to hold it loosely and decide whether or not it's meaningful to me in some way to still celebrate.
Hope that makes sense. For the 3 year old, just keeping it basic and concrete and not reading too much into what you're saying because the meaning they're drawing is probably different anyway 😂 and I like to use the phrase "some people believe" (especially if it's not something *I* believe!!)
Holding space for you and this hard, emotionally trying transition!!
Very helpful, thank you. As I've talked to more people about not believing in the literal stories anymore, a few people have come out of the woodwork saying they feel the same way. So I know I'm not alone but also still not quite sure what to do. I still am a member and give monthly to my church but I haven't attended since pre pandemic. We'll see what this year holds. I'm very grateful to have found your substack!
I stopped believing 5 years ago and I just separated. I don't know what to do about Christmas. Two people gave me Christmas cards last week and I woke up the next day emotionally overwhelmed. I wanted to scream, stamp, punch, or something to release the emotions (trauma?). This may not sound very supporting, but I hope knowing you are not alone offers some solace. Enjoy your 3-year old!
Oof, sounds like your nervous system is demanding some processing that the rest of you would rather stuff away in an impenetrable box! Thinking of you as your navigate that - and yes, trauma response / trigger sounds about accurate. 🙁
I assume you mean about this holiday season specifically even if it's not a religious celebration (not our hearts in general, which is a really big question!). I think the practices of: gathering in community, generosity, taking time to be still / quiet / reflective (which is very different from the commercialized Christmas) are all very relevant. The link above from Wes to a solstice musical celebration talked about reflecting on the year, forgiveness, prayer, and hope in the midst of darkness, which is also very beautiful.
Actually, I did mean the Big Question. I realize this is not the time or place but perhaps you could follow it up sometime. The Question: when we ( and I include myself) throw out church, and evangelical teachings we've been brought up with, and the unreasonable burdens and expectations of our families and pastors, what's left? Do we still believe in a god? Do we still love Jesus? What DO we believe?
I’m a little over 5 years post deconstruction. Honestly, I’m not sure it ever ends but I’ve no connection to Jesus, church, or Christian’s from when I identified that way. There are Christian’s in my day to day life but I steer clear of everything Christian that comes out of their mouths. They are fellow humans on the planet that I can love and spend time with as fellow humans. As for god, there could be a great force in the universe, I don’t know. If there is and they cannot appreciate me as I become the force in my universe then oh well. I guess what I’m saying is I believe in me. I’m using all the tools (when I say tools I mean my gut, reactions, brain, heart, etc) I have to be authentically me and feel there is joy being around others who are being/discovering their authentic selves. This is what freedom looks like for me at this stage. The beauty of it is I’m free to change.
Hi, Jen. Thanks for sharing your journey with me. It reminds me a lot of where I stood in the years between college and childbearing. I had come out of my birth religion - Catholicism- and I relished the lifting of that burden from my shoulders. Sounds like you are enjoying that freedom to just BE without obligations or expectations.
Oh yes the really Big Question!! I mean I could answer (one day) from my own stance but I know there's a lot of room for lots of responses! A good question. I still believe in a Something but it doesn't look at all like what I was taught in the church. And I somehow always felt closer to the Christian "God" than I did the Christian "Jesus" so I sort of still feel like I appreciate a lot about Jesus, but I wouldn't call myself a follower (I don't know if I "follow" anything??).
Hopefully, more later when I can flesh out these ideas more!
Hello Pamela. I'm 5 years into my post-Christian existence, and it took me about 4 years to really start to move the needle on that question and really begin the search for my identity. I still have so much to learn, but one thing I can say that I hope is helpful is that I am forming deeper connections with family members who experienced their own exodus. I find myself being more empathetic in certain cases, and more real in my connections with people in general. My heart is in getting to know the person, not the label, if that makes sense. I wish you all the best in your journey!
We have embraced Yuletide alongside advent!! Next week we will light a fire (inside or out depending on weather) listen to Christmas music and I’ll make soup or chili and we make Yule “logs” to throw in the fire - we write wishes on little pieces of paper, put them in paper towel rolls and wrap them up in colorful tissue paper! ✨✨ I’m glad your season is feeling a bit slower and intentional this year - I feel “behind” on my gift buying/wrapping and then I feel angsty about it, but I’m also finding small moments to be still or doodle or read in the dark quiet.
Can we talk more about “secular Christian” though!!! Let’s make that a thing! 😂
I did not know about the Yule logs with wishes that you burn! Clearly there's so much more research I can do about this. My kids are too young still to get much of this (at least the littlest one is, definitely) but this gives me such optimism for creating meaningful family / spiritual / secular-religious traditions in the future!!
Ooh, now I want to do some research on Yuletide celebrations (it was always just a word I associated with Christmas. I didn’t know it was a thing in itself 😂). That sounds lovely. Writing wishes feels a lot like a turn bedtime prayers with my daughter have recently taken. I always try and pray in ways that feel good. Sometimes praying to Jesus feels good. Sometimes to sacred mother. Lately an embodied metaphor for the divine hasn’t felt good, so I started simply declaring “I ask for...” and naming my prayers. It feels so good to me to be able to access prayer, and your Yuletide celebration sounds like a form of that.
I’ve been trying to clarifying my vision for my substack by reworking my about page, and I feel like some form of secular Christianity is what I’m leaning in to. Although it’s very EARNEST secular Christianity, not *chill* secular Christianity, so it may not be what everyone is after 😂
Yes! Add another vote for "earnest secular Christian" over here!! I love that 😍
Really appreciate your efforts to modify prayers in a way that still feels authentic to where you're at. My daughter is juuuust starting to talk about God / Jesus / prayers (from preschool mostly) and I haven't figured out yet how I want to respond / guide / participate yet, but there are such good ideas here!
Yes! Yule is just another word for winter solstice! Makes me wonder what the “ancient Yuletide carols” were like ✨
And I love it!! Earnest secular Christian is probably a perfect description of me too 🤣🤣
Oh, we also read one of my favorite books on the solstice - “the shortest day” illustrated by Carson Ellis 😍😍 highly recommend!
Nice! I found it online! I'll be at a bookstore later today (I'm in Nashville, land of so many bookstores, apparently) and you've inspired me to browse and see what else I can find - maybe even this book!
Oops, I meant TP rolls - but paper towel would work too 😂
With everyone putting lights up around their house from Halloween to New Years (and beyond) I've decided that light in the dark months must be a serious need for humans, I've decided to call this sea son the Festival of Lights and just enjoy what the pagans are doing.
The Festival of Lights, all winter long! Love it. It does seem silly to me that we should take our Christmas lights down so soon after Christmas - it's still dark and cold and those lights bring such cheer!
I love this. Whenever people complain about Christmas lights going up so early, I always quietly think “but maybe it’s not about Christmas? Maybe the lights just make winter feel better?”
Right on!
Honestly, I don’t overthink it. I love classic Christmas carols and movies, Santa, elves, North Pole, Charlie Brown, Frosty, Rudolf, and the Jesus nativity manger thing with the wise men. I don’t have to believe anything to enjoy the traditions I’ve always enjoyed. If pressed to think about it, I can see the baby Jesus story as a metaphor for spiritual rebirth after times of dull routine or stress, and the wise men as honoring rebirth and growth in ourselves and others. Christmas is also a festival of lights during the darkest time of year, so I can enjoy celebrating a return of the light to come in the new year. I’ve never been able to get into the solstice for some reason, maybe because Christmas overshadows it so much.
I can appreciate this perspective! And honestly you saying this makes me realize how much specific family stuff -- outside of religious stuff -- has colored for years how I feel about Christmas. I'm finally getting to a place now, now that I have kids of my own, where I can find joy in Christmas and get excited about things. And I do love the festival of lights idea!
I’m enjoying simplicity this year. I’ve always leaned so hard into the nostalgia Christmas evokes for me, that it sort of becomes a part time job. But I think all the work I’ve done this year on being at home in my body (my first ever full year of therapy!) is paying off this Christmas season. My 4-year-old is in semi-burnout so our household has been a radically low demand space for the last couple months, and I’ve been deeply attentive to the small joys that arise when no one is trying to do or be anything (this attentiveness has been necessary to keep my own anxiety at bay). I feel like the celebration of Christmas is falling into the natural rhythms of joy that inhabit our lives.
I also think letting go of what doesn’t feel good makes room for what does feel good to grow. For some reason my faith shift brought with it an aversion to Christmas trees (but I still love to cozy up to a good Santa story or churchy Christmas music--I don’t know, nervous system, but okay?). So there’s a christmas tree in my in laws side of the home that the family can enjoy but not in my living room (we live in a multigenerational duplex with some shared space). My daughter does not want for a second to veer away from her favorite show to watch Christmas movies, so we are rolling through the Christmas season watching Dino trucks and only Dino trucks. It’s just so nice to do what feels good and let go of what doesn’t, and not read too much into it.
Wow! SO much work you've been doing (therapeutically) to attend to your and your family's needs and be at home in your body! I am so glad for you that those evolutions have occurred, and that you're finding the small joys wherever you are able to.
Lol that the trees are triggering but the churchy Christmas music is not - and love how you just lean into that and go with it.
YES to this: "It’s just so nice to do what feels good and let go of what doesn’t, and not read too much into it." I love that approach 💛
We are doing the Solstice thing in the Ecovillage I live in, and making lanterns this weekend for it. We will have a fire and bestow Solstice blessings on one another.
As someone in their deconstruction phase and small kids I resonate with all the things in this post deeply.
Ooooh ok that sounds amazing! Also, now I'm massively curious about this Ecovillage you live in?
Have a wonderful Solstice celebration this weekend! And I'm so glad the post resonated with you 💛
Relating to all of this! I celebrate Christmas and the Solstice (in a witchy way). I was just writing about this last night, and I have a post about this subject coming up next week. This year, my partner and I are likely going to two Christmas Eve services (one at a liberal mainline church with really good music and one at a UU church). Earlier in the week, we are also going on a Solstice forest hike with a local witchy group, and I'm going to a Yule arts-and-crafts event a few days after Christmas. Cheers to a festive and life-giving and restful time for all!
Love love love that! I so wish there was a liberal mainline church with really good music, and/or a UU church, in our town! Alas. And you found a witchy group to be part of! I am so delighted at the ways you're able to find and embrace these religious / spiritual / witchy things of the season!
I really relate to this! We’ve struggled with Christmas the last few years, too. Right now we are enjoying rewatching Christmas movies (like Rudolph, the Grinch, and It’s a Wonderful Life) and staying close to home. Last year we celebrated the actual day with a fellow ex-evangelical family in our city. But I like your question about the ideal or dream scenario—really helps to imagine what could be possible!
I have to say, I'm feeling very inspired by what other people here are doing for their celebrations! It feels weird to be in the in-between where you aren't sure yet what feels good and meaningful and also not triggering old religious stuff. So good to have another exvangelical family in the area you can spend some holiday time with though. Hoping we can both figure out some new traditions (dream scenarios!) as our kids get older! 💛
I saw 'Savior Baby Jesus' in your title and started imagining an evangelical parody of Santa Baby - something like this: "Baby Jesus, I know you're gonna die on a tree, for me/ 'Cause I'm such a bad girl/ Baby Jesus, we celebrate your birthday tonight!"
Hahahaha!!! That's fantastic 🤣
Michael Meade
In This Darkness Singing
https://www.mosaicvoices.org/shop/#!/In-This-Darkness-Singing/p/610258550
What! That's so cool. I'm going to keep that tab open on my computer and would really love to see it. Will you be "attending" (virtually)?
Yes.
I’m doing as little as possible, while still trying to celebrate winter. We have a tree up that isn’t decorated (yet, maybe never). I want to incorporate more Yule festivities. In my alternate universe, I’d be doing some witchy things with friends, too.
I so appreciate the intentionality of this approach. No need to do more. In the ancient days it's not like anyone strung electric lights on trees 🤷♀️ I hope both of our futures might incorporate, somehow, some witchy things with friends!
As I'm feeling particularly grinch-like this season, I'm so thankful to come across your post. Christmas is a time of stress with extra tasks like managing the social calendar, gift shopping, and decorating. I continue to simplify (read 'do less'). I I long for quiet...a time of reflection and re-alignment as I contemplate the new year. THAT'S what I want my season to look like. I'm not sure I have that luxury with one more child to finish raising.Traditions are so important, but the right ones, and I don't find meaning in the old ones. And I'm one tired single mom who'd like to toss it all back, allow for the sadness I feel at this time of year, and leave space for answers to bubble up. No answers yet, but you've got me thinking more. Thanks!
The busyness of the season and the pressures to do it all make me feel grumpy - or, grinch-like! - too. I liked what Stephanie said about doing as little as possible. I feel that about longing for tradition but needing them to be the right ones. Holding space for you and the sadness and the strange in-between-ness while we wait to see what ends up emerging for us!
Oh I am feeling this so hard this year. This is the year I said I don't believe in these Christian stories anymore. I'm not quite ready to not call myself a Christian though... But I also don't want to celebrate or sing about a holiday I don't believe in anymore. I have a 3 year old as well and am struggling a bit about what to say about it all. I hope more people weigh in because I'd love to hear some support.
Oh Jackie, I remember so well what that era felt like - it is not easy 💛 I've found that reading some alternate interpretations of the Christian Christmas story (I think maybe Sarah Bessey posted something a few years ago about Mary being in the home of relatives, not alone in a stable, and it was a total reframe) that was helpful in seeing the story differently and letting it be about the meaning of what went on, not the actualities of what literally did or didn't happen. I also think that learning a little bit about how the Christmas themes show up in different traditions -- like themes of "born of a virgin" to signify the character is very important and unique, or why we decided Christmas should be celebrated at the darkest time of the year -- all that helps me. I think how I've learned to deal with it is to see the bigger human themes in these specific beliefs that most Christians take very literally, and to hold it loosely and decide whether or not it's meaningful to me in some way to still celebrate.
Hope that makes sense. For the 3 year old, just keeping it basic and concrete and not reading too much into what you're saying because the meaning they're drawing is probably different anyway 😂 and I like to use the phrase "some people believe" (especially if it's not something *I* believe!!)
Holding space for you and this hard, emotionally trying transition!!
Very helpful, thank you. As I've talked to more people about not believing in the literal stories anymore, a few people have come out of the woodwork saying they feel the same way. So I know I'm not alone but also still not quite sure what to do. I still am a member and give monthly to my church but I haven't attended since pre pandemic. We'll see what this year holds. I'm very grateful to have found your substack!
I stopped believing 5 years ago and I just separated. I don't know what to do about Christmas. Two people gave me Christmas cards last week and I woke up the next day emotionally overwhelmed. I wanted to scream, stamp, punch, or something to release the emotions (trauma?). This may not sound very supporting, but I hope knowing you are not alone offers some solace. Enjoy your 3-year old!
Oof, sounds like your nervous system is demanding some processing that the rest of you would rather stuff away in an impenetrable box! Thinking of you as your navigate that - and yes, trauma response / trigger sounds about accurate. 🙁
Thank you!
Thank you.
One of our pastors shared this devotional message from John Shelby Spong -- https://progressivechristianity.org/resource/a-christmas-meditation/?fbclid=IwAR0EkM_yeFTQ9mpvWCWFOjgFymefO7hKwk5U9-4K0onG6JlZI0_dfTUDduc
For me this represents doing for Jesus, what the essay "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus" does for Santa.
Simple things stick with me from childhood - Baby Jesus birthday cake, special breakfast foods, a traditional family recipe.
But one question for all post-Christians - where is your heart?
I assume you mean about this holiday season specifically even if it's not a religious celebration (not our hearts in general, which is a really big question!). I think the practices of: gathering in community, generosity, taking time to be still / quiet / reflective (which is very different from the commercialized Christmas) are all very relevant. The link above from Wes to a solstice musical celebration talked about reflecting on the year, forgiveness, prayer, and hope in the midst of darkness, which is also very beautiful.
Actually, I did mean the Big Question. I realize this is not the time or place but perhaps you could follow it up sometime. The Question: when we ( and I include myself) throw out church, and evangelical teachings we've been brought up with, and the unreasonable burdens and expectations of our families and pastors, what's left? Do we still believe in a god? Do we still love Jesus? What DO we believe?
Hi Pamela,
I’m a little over 5 years post deconstruction. Honestly, I’m not sure it ever ends but I’ve no connection to Jesus, church, or Christian’s from when I identified that way. There are Christian’s in my day to day life but I steer clear of everything Christian that comes out of their mouths. They are fellow humans on the planet that I can love and spend time with as fellow humans. As for god, there could be a great force in the universe, I don’t know. If there is and they cannot appreciate me as I become the force in my universe then oh well. I guess what I’m saying is I believe in me. I’m using all the tools (when I say tools I mean my gut, reactions, brain, heart, etc) I have to be authentically me and feel there is joy being around others who are being/discovering their authentic selves. This is what freedom looks like for me at this stage. The beauty of it is I’m free to change.
Hi, Jen. Thanks for sharing your journey with me. It reminds me a lot of where I stood in the years between college and childbearing. I had come out of my birth religion - Catholicism- and I relished the lifting of that burden from my shoulders. Sounds like you are enjoying that freedom to just BE without obligations or expectations.
I see again how seriously you've been burned by evangelical culture
Oh yes the really Big Question!! I mean I could answer (one day) from my own stance but I know there's a lot of room for lots of responses! A good question. I still believe in a Something but it doesn't look at all like what I was taught in the church. And I somehow always felt closer to the Christian "God" than I did the Christian "Jesus" so I sort of still feel like I appreciate a lot about Jesus, but I wouldn't call myself a follower (I don't know if I "follow" anything??).
Hopefully, more later when I can flesh out these ideas more!
I'll be interested to see, not just yours but responses in comments
Hello Pamela. I'm 5 years into my post-Christian existence, and it took me about 4 years to really start to move the needle on that question and really begin the search for my identity. I still have so much to learn, but one thing I can say that I hope is helpful is that I am forming deeper connections with family members who experienced their own exodus. I find myself being more empathetic in certain cases, and more real in my connections with people in general. My heart is in getting to know the person, not the label, if that makes sense. I wish you all the best in your journey!
Good for you !