If Not Santa Or Savior Baby Jesus, How Do We Talk About Christmas?

Reimagining holiday traditions

Photo by S&B Vonlanthen on Unsplash

For too long, the holiday season has felt more fraught than festive for me. Tense family dynamics, societal expectations that everyone be cheery for Christmas, and having a history of being a forgetful and also tightwad gift-giver made everything less than enjoyable.

This year has managed to be a little different. I’m recognizing how much I thrive with the security of routine and predictability, and how doing the same things every year (some might call that “tradition”) is comforting. Plus my oldest is now old enough to really understand that Christmas is coming up, and she’s learning about both Santa and Jesus at her preschool.

I never grew up believing in Santa Claus and had no plans of introducing my children to this made-up flying man in a sleigh (though I’m fine talking about him as a fun story). I still have a very hard time lying in general (I KNOW maybe talking about Santa isn’t lying, but still….) so I’m not inclined to feed the Santa narrative. And I rather abhor behavioral modification approaches centered around being “bad” or “good” with sneaky surveillance methods, so Elf on a Shelf¹ is obviously out.

Meanwhile, Jesus is a pretty intractable part of the Christmas story (regardless how threatened Republicans feel about taking the Christ out of Christmas). I have enough religion left in me to talk about Jesus and Christmas as a Christian holiday. But in my telling of the story, I’d skip the parts like the virgin birth and Jesus being born as God’s only son and being perfect from birth. Once they’re older, I’d probably be *that* parent who dissects the meaning of Christmas carol lyrics (“No crying he makes,” really??? As if crying were a sin?).

I was talking to someone recently who commented that since Christianity is based much more on beliefs than a culture that’s deliberately passed down (think Judaism and many who identify as “secular Jews”), it seems weirder to celebrate Christmas when not believing the story behind Christmas. An interesting point, I thought! Especially emerging from fervently evangelical traditions, where a lukewarm cultural Christian is no Christian at all — oh wait, except for the value they provide in Republican votes — a culturally Christian celebration feels not-quite-right.

We’ve put up our Christmas tree and I’m trying to dodge questions around Santa. I play Christmas music that I like the sound of, like Pentatonix and Trans-Siberian Orchestra. I baked some cookies and bought some presents for family. Pretty low-key, basic stuff.

But I’ll admit, in alternate-Christine reality, I’d like to imagine myself finding a small group of eclectic, pagan-ish or witchy people on the solstice, singing some songs together and setting intentions for the next year. Honoring the darkest day of the year, leaning into the quiet of winter months, and looking forward to the eventual return of spring and more daylight. And forgetting about Santa Claus and the commercialization of Christmas and the idea of believing in God’s only Son born as a baby from a virgin.

So I’m curious: what’s in your real or alternate reality? What does it mean to celebrate Christmas, or whatever you do in the month of December, after your religious beliefs have shifted? How do you focus your attention during these winter holidays? Has anyone explored moving more towards a yule or winter solstice celebration instead of a particularly religious holiday? And what feelings are brought up in you as we reach this particular time of year that can be, well, complicated??

1. I’m not trying to shame you if your parenting route has included Elf on a Shelf! These decisions can be complicated.