At Least Church Taught Me to Sing My Heart Out At a Concert

It was the best time.

Last weekend, I did something I hadn’t done in about ten years: attended a live concert for a musician that I’m really into¹! (I’ve gone with my best friend to her favorite band, but it’s different when it’s YOUR band, ya know?). I went by myself, as one does… especially when you have kids and you’re attending the concert out of town. (He jokes this was our anniversary present for me — we just celebrated 7 years this week). And I tell you. IT WAS THE BEST.

I saw my heartthrob and hall pass² Noah Kahan, who I didn’t realize until I was looking up concert tickets is actually… a pretty big up-and-coming artist? Hahaha. Related to last week’s post on the ‘tism, I struggle to go to a gathering where I know there will be people that I should be making some kind of conversation with, or where the old dynamics of feeling like the constantly-left-out-kid will get triggered. But going to a giant outdoor concert full of strangers, to see a performer I adore? No prob.

The night was perfect. Early summer weather, clear skies, temps settling from 70s into a comfortable sixties, standing on a grassy hill where I don’t have to be self-conscious about my height blocking other people, darkness descending so I could scream lyrics and cry to my favorite song with no one watching. I waved my cigarette lighter aka cell phone flashlight to the rhythm with the crowd, I raised my arms to the songs I loved, I danced like no one was watching all night long, I felt the strange sense of companionship with a mass of strangers.

[This is THE song. CW: it talks about suicidal ideation and either an attempt or imagined attempt. I bawled during the concert, which is exactly what I had always wanted to do when I heard this song live].

In short, what I’m saying is it was a spiritual experience.

Like I wrote previously in my Taylor Swift post, transcendent or spiritual experiences are not the sole domain of religion. Not by a long shot!

Forgive my enthusiastic obsession over Noah, but may I share why I love his music so much? He’s in the folk / pop genre, a sound I love (I’m such a stereotypical white Millennial; I know). He writes very honestly about mental health, so I was captivated by this from the start. In the snippets between sets, among other things he mentioned Zoloft, children of divorce, and how they were creating Mom’s living room on stage “but we couldn’t fly in the intergenerational trauma.” He even gave a shout out to the solo attenders and becoming your own best friend, so…I think the concert was designed for me personally. I mean COME ON how do you not love him? He also loves place — he is from New England and it runs through his music. As someone with a lot of 4 in my numerology and who also is very connected to place (for me it’s Colorado and I don’t know if I’ll ever feel fully at home anywhere else), this resonates strongly with me!

At the concert, I was reminded of how it occasionally felt in church worship to give all of yourself over to the experience. Not while attending church next to my parents: no way, just being a human in a body that felt things felt humiliating enough; I couldn’t display emotion at church. But I could feel this on my own in college, attending Tuesday nights at Refuge with a bunch of other college kids, or Sunday mornings or nights at my hipster churches with great musicians singing songs they’d written themselves. Caught up in the moment, feeling in love with God, feeling connected to something beyond myself.

It’s the music from church that some of us miss the most. Group singing is a cross-cultural practice of a meaningful way to bring people together and express a seeking for something beyond oneself.

“Giving myself over to the experience” was exactly what this concert felt like. From the moment the crowd roared as he entered and everyone stood up at once, to closing when I joined the sea of people streaming to our cars in the parking lot, our ocean becoming droplets of water once more. I was wholeheartedly present, unselfconscious, and joyous. What a treasure of the human experience to feel that way, even if it’s just for snippets at a time.

---

Have you had a spiritual (and I use this word generously! Take it to mean what you want!) experience at a music or other artistic event? What do you miss, if anything, about the church experience? Also are there any fellow Noah Kahan fans in my readership?!?!!?

1. I’m marking the last time as seeing mewithoutYou in Indy during my seminary years. Anyone else fans? I’m now wishing I’d seen them on their final tour, since they’re not performing anymore :(

2. Will making jokes that are actually serious that would offend my formerly evangelical sensibilities ever get old? No, probably not.