I'm a therapist too and doubt myself too much! What I've learned is, your fears might come true and do it anyway if it feels like it's the right thing for you to do. It might not be a huge group, it won't be for everyone, there may be a too vocal person who doesn't really get it. But you've got this! You'll prepare for all those things and then learn from them and then the next event will be better! "Step out in faith" 😂 to use some old lingo. I think ground rules, autobiographical sharing, some definitions of terms and psycho education, and something kind of churchy like shared singing - even just listening to music together - would be great! I'd like to come 😊 so virtual works if you want to try something bigger /from a larger area but I think in person is powerful and would most benefit your own community. I think you should try both - one time event and a group that starts afterwards. If it bombs, it bombs. Or maybe you won't like doing it. No worries, just move on with something else you want to do. But what if you love it and it feels powerful? I say go for it!
I don’t have any answers but I want you to know how much value you bring to my life. And not in a capitalistic, transactional way. Just by being you and sharing your heart and brain with us. 🩵
Good morning! I'm not a therapist but I hear you! My cute brain want to keep me safe" isolated". Miss and long for the community, nothing like the "love we have for one another" anywhere. They still don't know that I'm detangling, my truth after 2 years or so and I'm still feeling the shame and guilt. They invited me to do a " Freedom" Bible study" very fundamental, deep, and radical! Unfortunately, a chain far from freedom but im tempted to join again just for the churchy things I miss! I love the music and sisterhood the most! (Titus 2)
So my answer is yes! I would attend something like this!
It's intriguing and exciting that you are being called to this work, Christine!! You are the perfect person to do it. I really like what JackieM said and want to offer just a couple more thoughts.
You know I'm part of a trauma group that has produced amazing healing for all five members. There are a few secrets to the success. One is the explicit mutual understanding that we are all there to love and support one another. It's the love--feeling seen, heard, and valued--over the long term that produces the healing. Another principle is that we never offer advice, only encouragement and support. Advice is allowed only when someone specifically requests it. The last secret was inadvertent, but I think it has been important: We all are forward focused--focused on healing and growing. Looking backward to understand the trauma is important, but always with an eye toward healing, moving on to something much better, not wallowing in our anger and hurt. Maybe one more thing: everybody gets equal time to talk and share so all are heard and no one hogs the conversation. Some way of allotting time to each person to speak uninterrupted can be a big help. There may be a time of unstructured conversation too, but it really helps those who are shy if each person knows they will get a few minutes to share their thoughts at each meeting.
As for activities, I loved all the things on your list of possible activities. The one thing I am personally partial to is a time of group meditation and possibly brief sharing of insights afterwards or even during, like the Quakers.
Congrats for even taking the step of seriously thinking about doing this! Way to step into your calling!! I think you will find inner and outer support as you go!
Not long before my wife and I amicably split 3 months ago (married 33 years), she let me watch in on a zoom meeting for women partnered with someone autistic. Even though I was a bit like the villain in that equation, the group looked like a great support for her, and it helped us both complete the hard work of answering whether we were still a good match. At that point I wished there was a group for all those autistic men they were talking about. When I started following this group, I thought it would be awesome to have a group zoom with the people in this space. Covering the interesection of religious trauma and autism is a great fit for me. The articles from Christine are great, as are the responses from you all. I think what I was hoping for in such a group is the opportunity to brainstorm, since I am rebuilding identity as completely as I can. The "open book" aspect of a complete rebuild would, I think, benefit from sharing with a group of understanding individuals, and protect me somewhat from going off the rails. Hope this makes sense!
I've realized that "small groups" just aren't where I thrive socially... there's ALWAYS the "talker" who takes over and then everyone is just staring at each other and it's boring and antsy and then when it's your turn to talk it's like kind of intense. I dream about introvert gatherings like... what if it was just like a chill party, and there were snacks, and maybe mario kart set up, and maybe some coloring sheets, and a jigsaw puzzle out, and we could just all hang out together and let the conversations flow while we're all doing something with busy hands instead of sitting around staring at each other. But maybe that's just me 😂
Thank you for offering support and community for those of us who have experienced religious abuse. I live in southwest Ohio and am interested in participating in religious trauma support. In-person is better, but virtual meetings can also be very helpful. I have been helped by participating in authentic conversations, listening to podcasts, and attending an affirming safe "church" community(The Open Table in Landen/Mason which is also starting a community in Jackson, Ohio). I now say that love is my religion and I started my own blog focused on loving ourselves and others fully and unconditionally: awakened2love.substack.com. I have also enjoyed the Evolving Faith online community which is a safe place to talk about our experiences and our beliefs, doubts and questions. https://community.evolvingfaith.com/
I love all the topics you mentioned and when joining a group I like to know what “topic” we’re discussing ahead of time. Or the autobiographical meeting sounds good too. Whenever I meet someone who grew up in the church it takes all my will power to not just dive in the deep end - “tell me your story!!” 😂
I was really pleased to find this post Christine. I'm glad you're considering setting this much needed group up. I've been leading a support group for LGBTQI+ individuals from religious and culturally conservative backgrounds (and their parents) for just over 5 years now.
Many of the LGBTQI+ individuals attending have experienced some kind of emotional, physiological or physical abuse from their parents because of how they were born (and how this conflicts with their parents' belief system). In some cases forced to leave their country of birth because their own family, community or law enforcement agencies wanted to kill them because of their LGBTQI+ identity.
The support group's format slowly developed over that period of time based on who attended and what they wanted from the group. It was important the format was reflective of what attendees needed the most.
Anonymity should be a key consideration, so that when attendees share their name they're encouraged to share any name they feel comfortable with, rather than their own.
Also, it may be worth keeping the location secret and known only to those who successfully register to attend.
(I've explained a little of my story, and why I work in this particular field on my Substack (free))
Happy to answer any questions if it can help support your community.
I'm a therapist too and doubt myself too much! What I've learned is, your fears might come true and do it anyway if it feels like it's the right thing for you to do. It might not be a huge group, it won't be for everyone, there may be a too vocal person who doesn't really get it. But you've got this! You'll prepare for all those things and then learn from them and then the next event will be better! "Step out in faith" 😂 to use some old lingo. I think ground rules, autobiographical sharing, some definitions of terms and psycho education, and something kind of churchy like shared singing - even just listening to music together - would be great! I'd like to come 😊 so virtual works if you want to try something bigger /from a larger area but I think in person is powerful and would most benefit your own community. I think you should try both - one time event and a group that starts afterwards. If it bombs, it bombs. Or maybe you won't like doing it. No worries, just move on with something else you want to do. But what if you love it and it feels powerful? I say go for it!
I don’t have any answers but I want you to know how much value you bring to my life. And not in a capitalistic, transactional way. Just by being you and sharing your heart and brain with us. 🩵
I love the bullet points you gave for topic discussions! And I would love a church-ish service with a lot of those things. What a cool conversation!
Good morning! I'm not a therapist but I hear you! My cute brain want to keep me safe" isolated". Miss and long for the community, nothing like the "love we have for one another" anywhere. They still don't know that I'm detangling, my truth after 2 years or so and I'm still feeling the shame and guilt. They invited me to do a " Freedom" Bible study" very fundamental, deep, and radical! Unfortunately, a chain far from freedom but im tempted to join again just for the churchy things I miss! I love the music and sisterhood the most! (Titus 2)
So my answer is yes! I would attend something like this!
Thank you for all you do!
It's intriguing and exciting that you are being called to this work, Christine!! You are the perfect person to do it. I really like what JackieM said and want to offer just a couple more thoughts.
You know I'm part of a trauma group that has produced amazing healing for all five members. There are a few secrets to the success. One is the explicit mutual understanding that we are all there to love and support one another. It's the love--feeling seen, heard, and valued--over the long term that produces the healing. Another principle is that we never offer advice, only encouragement and support. Advice is allowed only when someone specifically requests it. The last secret was inadvertent, but I think it has been important: We all are forward focused--focused on healing and growing. Looking backward to understand the trauma is important, but always with an eye toward healing, moving on to something much better, not wallowing in our anger and hurt. Maybe one more thing: everybody gets equal time to talk and share so all are heard and no one hogs the conversation. Some way of allotting time to each person to speak uninterrupted can be a big help. There may be a time of unstructured conversation too, but it really helps those who are shy if each person knows they will get a few minutes to share their thoughts at each meeting.
As for activities, I loved all the things on your list of possible activities. The one thing I am personally partial to is a time of group meditation and possibly brief sharing of insights afterwards or even during, like the Quakers.
Congrats for even taking the step of seriously thinking about doing this! Way to step into your calling!! I think you will find inner and outer support as you go!
Not long before my wife and I amicably split 3 months ago (married 33 years), she let me watch in on a zoom meeting for women partnered with someone autistic. Even though I was a bit like the villain in that equation, the group looked like a great support for her, and it helped us both complete the hard work of answering whether we were still a good match. At that point I wished there was a group for all those autistic men they were talking about. When I started following this group, I thought it would be awesome to have a group zoom with the people in this space. Covering the interesection of religious trauma and autism is a great fit for me. The articles from Christine are great, as are the responses from you all. I think what I was hoping for in such a group is the opportunity to brainstorm, since I am rebuilding identity as completely as I can. The "open book" aspect of a complete rebuild would, I think, benefit from sharing with a group of understanding individuals, and protect me somewhat from going off the rails. Hope this makes sense!
I've realized that "small groups" just aren't where I thrive socially... there's ALWAYS the "talker" who takes over and then everyone is just staring at each other and it's boring and antsy and then when it's your turn to talk it's like kind of intense. I dream about introvert gatherings like... what if it was just like a chill party, and there were snacks, and maybe mario kart set up, and maybe some coloring sheets, and a jigsaw puzzle out, and we could just all hang out together and let the conversations flow while we're all doing something with busy hands instead of sitting around staring at each other. But maybe that's just me 😂
Thank you for offering support and community for those of us who have experienced religious abuse. I live in southwest Ohio and am interested in participating in religious trauma support. In-person is better, but virtual meetings can also be very helpful. I have been helped by participating in authentic conversations, listening to podcasts, and attending an affirming safe "church" community(The Open Table in Landen/Mason which is also starting a community in Jackson, Ohio). I now say that love is my religion and I started my own blog focused on loving ourselves and others fully and unconditionally: awakened2love.substack.com. I have also enjoyed the Evolving Faith online community which is a safe place to talk about our experiences and our beliefs, doubts and questions. https://community.evolvingfaith.com/
I love all the topics you mentioned and when joining a group I like to know what “topic” we’re discussing ahead of time. Or the autobiographical meeting sounds good too. Whenever I meet someone who grew up in the church it takes all my will power to not just dive in the deep end - “tell me your story!!” 😂
I was really pleased to find this post Christine. I'm glad you're considering setting this much needed group up. I've been leading a support group for LGBTQI+ individuals from religious and culturally conservative backgrounds (and their parents) for just over 5 years now.
Many of the LGBTQI+ individuals attending have experienced some kind of emotional, physiological or physical abuse from their parents because of how they were born (and how this conflicts with their parents' belief system). In some cases forced to leave their country of birth because their own family, community or law enforcement agencies wanted to kill them because of their LGBTQI+ identity.
The support group's format slowly developed over that period of time based on who attended and what they wanted from the group. It was important the format was reflective of what attendees needed the most.
Anonymity should be a key consideration, so that when attendees share their name they're encouraged to share any name they feel comfortable with, rather than their own.
Also, it may be worth keeping the location secret and known only to those who successfully register to attend.
(I've explained a little of my story, and why I work in this particular field on my Substack (free))
Happy to answer any questions if it can help support your community.