There's a lot of necessary stuff, balls to juggle and balls to drop, and sometimes it's all too much. And that's probably the bulk of it. But please remember that, assuming you don't want it, you may not have to do the intense, people-y event things. Those memories are still fun for your kids if they're done with someone else! Dad-time, grandpa-time, auntie-who-love that-stuff-and-cousin-time, neighbor-whose-kids-you-sometimes-feed time.
And giving the kids an idea that people, parents included, are allowed to have preferences and boundaries, is an incredibly valuable gift to them. It sends the message that they're allowed to do that too.
You sound like you might be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), Christine (laughing as I offer the therapist a “diagnosis”). We have a higher level of sensitivity to both the outer and inner worlds and need a lot more quiet inner processing time to feel fully well. It’s not something that’s broken, just our personality, like extroverts need lots of people time to feel well; we are the opposite. Specifically about parenting, overwhelm happens to all parents, especially when the whining and crying starts. That’s when tag team parenting really helps, and I’m sure you guys do that for mutual survival. I hope you can accept yourself as the person you are with your particular needs, and continue to show yourself the same compassion you show clients and family. As you said, you can’t help others if you are depleted all the time. Your needs are valid and it’s OK to honor them and carve out whatever “me” time you can find or create each day. Maybe sharing those needs with your husband and building more of an external support system could also help—older ladies at church, for example, who might pop in for a bit of the joy of taking care of two cute kiddos while you go running or to yoga or meditation or whatever? Sorry for all the advice when I know you know all this, but maybe it helps to hear it from others: You are valid, your needs are valid and important, and it’s OK to try to meet them. Thanks for sharing so openly, and I hope you will get the help and support you need to make it through. And lastly, I know what you really need is this from other HSP parents who have been there and totally understand: 🤗❤️🙏 Please take good care of yourself.
Yikes! I feel for Sad Sally. It's been a long time since I've had crying babies but as I remember it's not fun. I feel that response even with babies on an airplane. Stuck with the cry for ten hours is torture. Brings back old responses.
Is it possible for you to cut back on your workload? Or do you need the $$$? I suppose that would just put you back in childcare for another hour. Can you leave them with their sitter and take that hour for yourself?
I love the way you explained this with the chart and Sad Sally. It is with this sort of accessible writing, knowledge, honesty and vulnerability that people see that there is hope that something different, something better is possible and that they are not alone. Thank you!
I have a sad Sally. Certain things trigger her. I’m working on recognizing it when it happens, when I can’t control my environment, so I spend the least amount of time as possible in that state. Sad Sally serves a purpose for me. She is trying to tell me something important.
There's a lot of necessary stuff, balls to juggle and balls to drop, and sometimes it's all too much. And that's probably the bulk of it. But please remember that, assuming you don't want it, you may not have to do the intense, people-y event things. Those memories are still fun for your kids if they're done with someone else! Dad-time, grandpa-time, auntie-who-love that-stuff-and-cousin-time, neighbor-whose-kids-you-sometimes-feed time.
And giving the kids an idea that people, parents included, are allowed to have preferences and boundaries, is an incredibly valuable gift to them. It sends the message that they're allowed to do that too.
You sound like you might be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), Christine (laughing as I offer the therapist a “diagnosis”). We have a higher level of sensitivity to both the outer and inner worlds and need a lot more quiet inner processing time to feel fully well. It’s not something that’s broken, just our personality, like extroverts need lots of people time to feel well; we are the opposite. Specifically about parenting, overwhelm happens to all parents, especially when the whining and crying starts. That’s when tag team parenting really helps, and I’m sure you guys do that for mutual survival. I hope you can accept yourself as the person you are with your particular needs, and continue to show yourself the same compassion you show clients and family. As you said, you can’t help others if you are depleted all the time. Your needs are valid and it’s OK to honor them and carve out whatever “me” time you can find or create each day. Maybe sharing those needs with your husband and building more of an external support system could also help—older ladies at church, for example, who might pop in for a bit of the joy of taking care of two cute kiddos while you go running or to yoga or meditation or whatever? Sorry for all the advice when I know you know all this, but maybe it helps to hear it from others: You are valid, your needs are valid and important, and it’s OK to try to meet them. Thanks for sharing so openly, and I hope you will get the help and support you need to make it through. And lastly, I know what you really need is this from other HSP parents who have been there and totally understand: 🤗❤️🙏 Please take good care of yourself.
Yikes! I feel for Sad Sally. It's been a long time since I've had crying babies but as I remember it's not fun. I feel that response even with babies on an airplane. Stuck with the cry for ten hours is torture. Brings back old responses.
Is it possible for you to cut back on your workload? Or do you need the $$$? I suppose that would just put you back in childcare for another hour. Can you leave them with their sitter and take that hour for yourself?
Christine,
I love the way you explained this with the chart and Sad Sally. It is with this sort of accessible writing, knowledge, honesty and vulnerability that people see that there is hope that something different, something better is possible and that they are not alone. Thank you!
I have a sad Sally. Certain things trigger her. I’m working on recognizing it when it happens, when I can’t control my environment, so I spend the least amount of time as possible in that state. Sad Sally serves a purpose for me. She is trying to tell me something important.