The Art of Slowing Down and Finding Joy

Reflections (and recommendations!) on my 35th birthday

I can’t help it… I hope I will always be that person who just LOVES their birthday! So I couldn’t not let you know that today is my actual birthday. Hooray! I get to interview someone local for a podcast I’m suuuuper excited to share with you next month, and go on an actual date (what???) with my spouse to see a play (what???) tonight!

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As the weather slowly, slowly warms up (and cools, and warms) here in Ohio, I’ve been feeling very drawn to the art of slowing down. I wrote about this feeling back in November — hmm, after several months straight through of the family struggling with sickness then, too! My writer friends

Chuck Petch

and

Lindsey Melden

both recently wrote about this topic of slowing down and being present in nature. And

Chris La Tray

wrote a post¹ as well that resonated with many about wanting to get out of the frantic, frenetic, consumeristic culture that is our social media and yes—even writing worlds. The busy drive to find more readers and followers and be more important and heard… sometimes it all just feels too much. (Highly recommend reading his post….just read mine first! 😂)

I imagine part of why I feel this way is because I’ve been on Zoloft recently, which I wrote about last post. It’s working! It feels like my thoughts have slowed down, some of the traffic in my brain has dissipated, and there’s more space between an event occurring and me having a reaction to it. But one side effect (and not a bad one!) is that I feel less drive to be achieving and accomplishing all the writing goals I had for myself a couple months ago. I feel more like focusing on and enjoying my kids — something postpartum depression stole from me for a long time. I feel like letting things unfold as they will, and not forcing things to happen.

The other part is that I think, and I’m clearly not the only one feeling this way, that we’re collectively realizing that our social media driven, online lives often leave us feeling more empty than satisfied. But a walk in the park with my kids, or a solo run as the sun sets, leaves me feeling more satisfied than empty.

Blurry, but me in my happy place

I’ve long been frustrated with the idea that in order to be a successful author, you need to have a large (and often, very large) social media following. You need to be “somebody.” An “influencer.” You need to bring a silo of readers with you to the publisher to prove that people will buy your book.

I want to just write for the joy of it. For the feeling of stealing away to my favorite coffee shop, where the baristas know my same-every-time-order (coffee with vanilla and extra half-n-half), and expressing my passions through my keyboard. For a place to readily express myself, as opposed to listening from the therapist’s chair. For the joy of connecting with readers who share of yourselves through comments and emails you send me. For the delight of connecting with people over podcast interviews and learning their stories.

I want to write from a place of integrity, where I say things that I really mean. And because I’m passionate about them, not because it’s something that I “should” say or because it’ll get likes. I don’t think I know how to do otherwise, really — I’m too genuine (I’m an awful liar IRL) and I get bored trying to do something I don’t actually care about.

I’m not making any kind of big announcement about the direction I’m going with this Substack or anything. I suppose I’m just taking a little opportunity on my anniversary around the sun to clarify my intentions and methods — that is, to do things because I love them, and to do them with love and integrity.

Now, for a moment of levity…Recommendations!

• 3-3.5 year olds. WTF mate. My kid is now 3.5 and WHERE DID MY SWEET 3 YEAR OLD ANGEL GO I WANT HER BACK.

• My vanilla with cream coffee at Native, our local coffee shop one block from my office. I AM THE LUCKIEST. It’s the best thing and it makes every work day that much better. I now can’t stand chain coffee shops.

• This one is legit (I mean the others are too, but): the podcast mini-series Sold a Story. A client and my bff both recommended it to me and it’s MIND BLOWING. About how we’ve been teaching kids to read in ways that do NOT work well. Know what does? Good old fashioned phonics. I will probably write a whole post on this one day even though it has little to do with religious trauma, because I’m so fascinated.

Thanks for being here today. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments! Have you listened to this podcast? When do kids emerge from this hot mess that is 3.5 years old? Do you have a favorite coffee shop or writing place? Tell me all about it!

1. And the Perfect Time

You want to read it. I promise.