I SO resonate with this!! Especially the anger at all the genders stuff that I was automatically “supposed” to be responsible for even though I was HORRIBLE at them (dishes, cleaning etc) now that I’m divorced and I have to do it all I can say that anger was super valid. I am really good at some of the things my ex-husband used to manage.
I started researching ADHD when I was trying to understand one of my kids. I watched a bunch of TikTok videos (there was a lot of silliness but also a LOT of helpful, thoughtful content!) and began to realize that I probably have inattentive ADHD. That helps me pinpoint why I felt so misunderstood as a kid, and the cPTSD that can develop from trying to constantly mask my neurodivergence.
The framework for understanding myself, therapy and Wellbutrin (oh my goodness, I did not know it was possible to function this well!!) have helped so much. I just had to give up almost all caffeine but it is worth it - being able to take my kids into the grocery store and NOT get totally overwhelmed & stressed out feels amazing.
That's really nice to hear that you resonate with this! Also, empowering that you are *actually* good at the things your ex used to manage and you can validate your own anger that you were "assigned" to all these tasks that really weren't your skill set!
Wellbutrin feels like whoa! Who in the world organized my brain for me? I mean I still can't come up with an organizational system for papers, but to not feel overwhelmed when met with a bunch of stimuli or tasks at the same time... now that is amazing.
I feel so much of this. Especially the parts about cleaning, movie plots, and reading all the time. I have focused on ADHD showing up in women as emotional dysregulation, which fits for me, but reading this is like the roulette ball dropping into the chamber. I shall sit with these feelings and thoughts a bit. As always, thank you!
Appreciate that! I feel like I'm usually pretty good at recognizing ADHD in my clients but thinking of it specifically in women as often showing up as emotional dysregulation is helpful! Glad you're here. :)
I have been reading at chadd.org. They have links to other resources. It’s more and more clear to me that many women present with symptoms that are better explained by this diagnosis than by others. Yet diagnosis is also the first step in effective treatment. Hope this helps!
My husband is the home administrator, but yes there are still those tasks that are just assumed to be a female parent’s tasks! School newsletter, 6 pages of mostly irrelevant information with possibly something hidden in there I’m supposed to know are the worst. Last week I actually looked at my son’s newsletter (the term calendar section anyway) for the first time in months, wrote some things on my own calendar, and remembered to look this morning to remind him it’s a “no uniform day”. Executive function victory over here! 😅
I wish my husband were more home administrator! 😂 And oh my gosh that's such a win. It took me so long to realize / remember I was supposed to check the folder my preschooler comes home with. I had the realization: "oh my gosh, *I* am the parent that drove me crazy when I worked in schools..."
It’s so uplifting to read your story, Christine, about this discovery, which is essentially a discovery and healing all in one. I have known a few ADHD people and they are invariably highly intelligent. Could it be an artifact of high intelligence that you just think a lot more than the rest of us?!
My only contribution is that I am definitely not ADHD and my processing is very methodical, step-by-step if that helps. Although I do have a creative and imaginative side.
"a discover and a healing all in one" -- my favorite thing! 😁
I mean if you want to give out that compliment, I'm not gonna reject it ;)
Still a helpful contribution! I am very much not methodical -- I flip all around in books; I often come to intuitive conclusions but I *am* methodical enough that I then go back and do my research to see if I'm actually right. (saying that is making me lean more to the adhd side than the autistic side because my thinking is genuinely not methodical enough to fit a typical autistic brain. But also with a dose of feeling on the outside socially almost all of the time.)
Zoloft is awesome! Glad you could get some. My GYN prescribed it for me after 9/11 when I felt I should "be doing something" to help (vague feelings of anxiety.) I got twice as much as I need and have been dosing my demented husband ever since. Gift of God.
Thanks! I actually am doing a "test" and reducing the Zoloft dosage to see if I can get a similar or better effect from wellbutrin. But within a couple days of starting Zoloft, the difference was astounding in terms of managing irritability and that gnawing sense you speak of! (also, so sorry about your husband, and your efforts to try and help him!)
I SO resonate with this!! Especially the anger at all the genders stuff that I was automatically “supposed” to be responsible for even though I was HORRIBLE at them (dishes, cleaning etc) now that I’m divorced and I have to do it all I can say that anger was super valid. I am really good at some of the things my ex-husband used to manage.
I started researching ADHD when I was trying to understand one of my kids. I watched a bunch of TikTok videos (there was a lot of silliness but also a LOT of helpful, thoughtful content!) and began to realize that I probably have inattentive ADHD. That helps me pinpoint why I felt so misunderstood as a kid, and the cPTSD that can develop from trying to constantly mask my neurodivergence.
The framework for understanding myself, therapy and Wellbutrin (oh my goodness, I did not know it was possible to function this well!!) have helped so much. I just had to give up almost all caffeine but it is worth it - being able to take my kids into the grocery store and NOT get totally overwhelmed & stressed out feels amazing.
That's really nice to hear that you resonate with this! Also, empowering that you are *actually* good at the things your ex used to manage and you can validate your own anger that you were "assigned" to all these tasks that really weren't your skill set!
Wellbutrin feels like whoa! Who in the world organized my brain for me? I mean I still can't come up with an organizational system for papers, but to not feel overwhelmed when met with a bunch of stimuli or tasks at the same time... now that is amazing.
Thank you for sharing!
I feel so much of this. Especially the parts about cleaning, movie plots, and reading all the time. I have focused on ADHD showing up in women as emotional dysregulation, which fits for me, but reading this is like the roulette ball dropping into the chamber. I shall sit with these feelings and thoughts a bit. As always, thank you!
Appreciate that! I feel like I'm usually pretty good at recognizing ADHD in my clients but thinking of it specifically in women as often showing up as emotional dysregulation is helpful! Glad you're here. :)
Hi Amy, thanks for sharing! Do you have any good recommendations for resources on the topic of emotional dysregulation in women with ADHD? thanks!
I have been reading at chadd.org. They have links to other resources. It’s more and more clear to me that many women present with symptoms that are better explained by this diagnosis than by others. Yet diagnosis is also the first step in effective treatment. Hope this helps!
thanks so much, i'll check it out! :)
My husband is the home administrator, but yes there are still those tasks that are just assumed to be a female parent’s tasks! School newsletter, 6 pages of mostly irrelevant information with possibly something hidden in there I’m supposed to know are the worst. Last week I actually looked at my son’s newsletter (the term calendar section anyway) for the first time in months, wrote some things on my own calendar, and remembered to look this morning to remind him it’s a “no uniform day”. Executive function victory over here! 😅
I wish my husband were more home administrator! 😂 And oh my gosh that's such a win. It took me so long to realize / remember I was supposed to check the folder my preschooler comes home with. I had the realization: "oh my gosh, *I* am the parent that drove me crazy when I worked in schools..."
High five to executive functioning victories!
I felt *all* of this. Thanks for sharing!
I'm glad! Thanks for being here! :)
It’s so uplifting to read your story, Christine, about this discovery, which is essentially a discovery and healing all in one. I have known a few ADHD people and they are invariably highly intelligent. Could it be an artifact of high intelligence that you just think a lot more than the rest of us?!
My only contribution is that I am definitely not ADHD and my processing is very methodical, step-by-step if that helps. Although I do have a creative and imaginative side.
"a discover and a healing all in one" -- my favorite thing! 😁
I mean if you want to give out that compliment, I'm not gonna reject it ;)
Still a helpful contribution! I am very much not methodical -- I flip all around in books; I often come to intuitive conclusions but I *am* methodical enough that I then go back and do my research to see if I'm actually right. (saying that is making me lean more to the adhd side than the autistic side because my thinking is genuinely not methodical enough to fit a typical autistic brain. But also with a dose of feeling on the outside socially almost all of the time.)
Zoloft is awesome! Glad you could get some. My GYN prescribed it for me after 9/11 when I felt I should "be doing something" to help (vague feelings of anxiety.) I got twice as much as I need and have been dosing my demented husband ever since. Gift of God.
Thanks! I actually am doing a "test" and reducing the Zoloft dosage to see if I can get a similar or better effect from wellbutrin. But within a couple days of starting Zoloft, the difference was astounding in terms of managing irritability and that gnawing sense you speak of! (also, so sorry about your husband, and your efforts to try and help him!)