Well said. Coming to my first encounter with IFS from a sect that subscribes to Calvin's doctrine of total depravity, I had that same problem. It felt so dangerous to even consider the possibility there could be anything in me that weren't pure malevolence. I like your work-around with noticing the *qualities of* Self, and looking for those in your mind-body, as opposed to taking up the more spiritually foreign stance of subscribing to some notion, literalism style (thanks, X'tian fundamentalism!), of your *being* a Self, pure of heart, patient, persistent, compassionate, courageous. Note how much courage it takes to try to recover from the type of relational wounding that occurs in a religiously traumatizing environment. I see that courage in you, though.
Thanks, MK! The qualities of Self does feel like a much easier workaround than having to BE Self! And of course a lot of traumas result in a belief in a bad self, but total depravity it’s so specific about people being bad it just feels…cruel.
I remember you talking about IFS yourself, and I hope you’ve been and you recognize and appreciate those Self-like qualities in yourself!
First of all, congrats on taking the training! I think you're spot on about thinking of how the qualities of self can be different from the Self that you were taught was inherently not-good. When we searched our souls growing up they were never enough, right? Clean enough, pure enough, etc. Now as adults we get to feel these feelings, draw healthier conclusions and integrate them into our whole being, body, mind and spirit. I'm so happy for you and can't wait to hear more of your experiences with IFS.
Thanks, Amy! I am truly adoring IFS— even noticing that during an extra hard week last week with my kids (also the week of the training), I felt a lot more of Self capacities in times I’d usually struggle to access that! Hoping for more of that good healing stuff ❤️🩹
I encountered similar concerns as I began my Level 1 training and someone one in the training asked the question and our lead trainer offered the thought that the goodness of self could be viewed as the imago dei or “made in Gods image” that each human holds at their core. Being made good came first in the garden, then sin and corruption followed. It took a while for me to work through it but I now am able to sit comfortably with the understanding that at my core I am made good.
I totally get where you're coming from about the Self when you've been steeped in a fundamentalist Christian tradition of original sin. I only discovered IFS a few years ago, probably 25 years after leaving the 2x2s. By this stage I had done mindfulness meditation training and already had a sense of presence from that training. It was an easy link then to make between presence and self.
It's such a journey! Congratulations on doing the training. I also worked as a therapist & wish so much that I had known about IFS decades ago.
Well said. Coming to my first encounter with IFS from a sect that subscribes to Calvin's doctrine of total depravity, I had that same problem. It felt so dangerous to even consider the possibility there could be anything in me that weren't pure malevolence. I like your work-around with noticing the *qualities of* Self, and looking for those in your mind-body, as opposed to taking up the more spiritually foreign stance of subscribing to some notion, literalism style (thanks, X'tian fundamentalism!), of your *being* a Self, pure of heart, patient, persistent, compassionate, courageous. Note how much courage it takes to try to recover from the type of relational wounding that occurs in a religiously traumatizing environment. I see that courage in you, though.
Thanks, MK! The qualities of Self does feel like a much easier workaround than having to BE Self! And of course a lot of traumas result in a belief in a bad self, but total depravity it’s so specific about people being bad it just feels…cruel.
I remember you talking about IFS yourself, and I hope you’ve been and you recognize and appreciate those Self-like qualities in yourself!
First of all, congrats on taking the training! I think you're spot on about thinking of how the qualities of self can be different from the Self that you were taught was inherently not-good. When we searched our souls growing up they were never enough, right? Clean enough, pure enough, etc. Now as adults we get to feel these feelings, draw healthier conclusions and integrate them into our whole being, body, mind and spirit. I'm so happy for you and can't wait to hear more of your experiences with IFS.
Thanks, Amy! I am truly adoring IFS— even noticing that during an extra hard week last week with my kids (also the week of the training), I felt a lot more of Self capacities in times I’d usually struggle to access that! Hoping for more of that good healing stuff ❤️🩹
I love IFS so much. Cheers to healing!
I encountered similar concerns as I began my Level 1 training and someone one in the training asked the question and our lead trainer offered the thought that the goodness of self could be viewed as the imago dei or “made in Gods image” that each human holds at their core. Being made good came first in the garden, then sin and corruption followed. It took a while for me to work through it but I now am able to sit comfortably with the understanding that at my core I am made good.
I totally get where you're coming from about the Self when you've been steeped in a fundamentalist Christian tradition of original sin. I only discovered IFS a few years ago, probably 25 years after leaving the 2x2s. By this stage I had done mindfulness meditation training and already had a sense of presence from that training. It was an easy link then to make between presence and self.
It's such a journey! Congratulations on doing the training. I also worked as a therapist & wish so much that I had known about IFS decades ago.