I ran a half marathon after my first baby. As I approach 40 I’ve been thinking about it again, but I told myself if I can work my way back up to five miles again I’ll give it a try. We’ll see. Loved your running story!
That's fun! Running has been my #1 of connecting with myself *especially* after having had kids! Hope you find something that is meaningful to you for your 40th, whether or not it's a half :)
Oh, I’m so happy for you, and this was so fun to read. I love the way you write about running. It reminds me of my more athletic days in a way that doesn’t feel painful and exclusionary, but more like a generous invitation into human joy.
My portal for the last couple years, but especially for the last couple weeks, has been rest. I’ve been through some intense emotional storms since early 2021, including a horrible eating disorder and leaving church (for good), and I learned early on when my emotions are at their absolute worst, they most reliably pass through me when I’m lying down. Lying down and resting just feels like a miracle for my mental health. The day after the election, when the results were final, I spent about 4 hours lying on the couch reading, then dosing, then reading, then dosing (and almost none of the reading was scrolling; when I was tempted to scroll I just closed my eyes and dosed off)—it set such a deep, self-connected tone for the rest of the week that I’ve really tried to maintain (mostly by resting!). My PDA autistic daughter is still in her October slide, where she rarely is up for leaving the house, and spends a lot more time on screens. I keep learning that whenever I lean into the rest for myself—offer myself an October slide—instead of feeling guilty or stressed, I find this deep steady calm. Because my PDA nervous system also needs radical accommodations I rarely offer it. And when my daughter and i are both in that calm, these pockets of creativity open up in our day, and these deeply restful days aren’t “wasted.”
That delights me! I hope to not be annoying or braggy when I talk about running, but I love love the way you put that: "a generous invitation into human joy"!!
Wow! That is powerful! Rest and lying down as resistance.... and the best thing for your own mental health that you could do. I'm going to try a little taste of that -- now that the marathon cycle is over, it's time to rest, regroup, pause... then later, figure out what's next. I'm not the greatest with rest but you are challenging me to see what all it offers! Beautiful!
How beautiful! I got choked up reading this. "Run the mile I'm in," you wrote. That's powerful. Thank you for sharing this. And congratulations on staying open to how you can, even though it's so, so scary for us exvangelicals to do so, keep having the courage to trust yourself. Congratulations!
Thanks, MK! I felt there were so many parts of the race that were applicable to life, including the idea to just run the mile we're in. Thank you for sharing ❤️
Loved the way you related this to patriarchal Christianity--unlearning the tentativeness and lack of confidence in your (sinful) self and body and learning for the first time to trust yourself and your body to know how to live in the world. Congratulations!
I ran a half marathon after my first baby. As I approach 40 I’ve been thinking about it again, but I told myself if I can work my way back up to five miles again I’ll give it a try. We’ll see. Loved your running story!
That's fun! Running has been my #1 of connecting with myself *especially* after having had kids! Hope you find something that is meaningful to you for your 40th, whether or not it's a half :)
I'm so freaking proud for you!!!!!
Oh, I’m so happy for you, and this was so fun to read. I love the way you write about running. It reminds me of my more athletic days in a way that doesn’t feel painful and exclusionary, but more like a generous invitation into human joy.
My portal for the last couple years, but especially for the last couple weeks, has been rest. I’ve been through some intense emotional storms since early 2021, including a horrible eating disorder and leaving church (for good), and I learned early on when my emotions are at their absolute worst, they most reliably pass through me when I’m lying down. Lying down and resting just feels like a miracle for my mental health. The day after the election, when the results were final, I spent about 4 hours lying on the couch reading, then dosing, then reading, then dosing (and almost none of the reading was scrolling; when I was tempted to scroll I just closed my eyes and dosed off)—it set such a deep, self-connected tone for the rest of the week that I’ve really tried to maintain (mostly by resting!). My PDA autistic daughter is still in her October slide, where she rarely is up for leaving the house, and spends a lot more time on screens. I keep learning that whenever I lean into the rest for myself—offer myself an October slide—instead of feeling guilty or stressed, I find this deep steady calm. Because my PDA nervous system also needs radical accommodations I rarely offer it. And when my daughter and i are both in that calm, these pockets of creativity open up in our day, and these deeply restful days aren’t “wasted.”
That delights me! I hope to not be annoying or braggy when I talk about running, but I love love the way you put that: "a generous invitation into human joy"!!
Wow! That is powerful! Rest and lying down as resistance.... and the best thing for your own mental health that you could do. I'm going to try a little taste of that -- now that the marathon cycle is over, it's time to rest, regroup, pause... then later, figure out what's next. I'm not the greatest with rest but you are challenging me to see what all it offers! Beautiful!
Congratulations, Cristine! I bet this feels amazing.
It's definitely my new "happy place" I go back to in my mind and revisit! :)
How beautiful! I got choked up reading this. "Run the mile I'm in," you wrote. That's powerful. Thank you for sharing this. And congratulations on staying open to how you can, even though it's so, so scary for us exvangelicals to do so, keep having the courage to trust yourself. Congratulations!
Thanks, MK! I felt there were so many parts of the race that were applicable to life, including the idea to just run the mile we're in. Thank you for sharing ❤️
So good! Totally relate to the “trusting myself” piece.
Yes! I hope to grow more into a woman who has thoroughly learned to trust herself!
Loved the way you related this to patriarchal Christianity--unlearning the tentativeness and lack of confidence in your (sinful) self and body and learning for the first time to trust yourself and your body to know how to live in the world. Congratulations!