I love the simple joy expressed in your poem! Discovering (I was going to say re-discovering, but there was no first discovery, it feels, so this is the original!) pleasure like this, and learning to enjoy it unabashedly, is such a gift to take in!
Tying dieting to scrupulosity is kinda blowing my mind! The pressure for Christian women to be thin isn't talked about nearly enough. It's so pernicious. Thanks for sharing your journey
I'm not a poet by any stretch, but I wrote some simple poems during my roller coaster experience 4 years (of a kind of paralysis) after becoming an atheist. One of them is about the ability to enjoy something just because it is enjoyable, as opposed to the former position of being an underserving sinner where any good experience is a matter of grace for which you must be grateful. This concept is/was a key aspect of my self discovery, and it happens to be about food. I think this group will understand where I'm coming from (because the people in this group are awesome!).
Thanks for sharing a difficult topic for you, Christine. I don't personally connect with the anorexia struggle. But I strongly connect with its causes--low self-esteem and extreme scrupulosity learned from parents and religion. A big increase in my awareness of this came when a member of a mental health group I belong to said to me, "It's OK for you to take up space, Chuck." I don't think I fully realized how repressed and low in self-esteem I am until that moment when someone else saw it and it helped me see it too. I want you to know that even though anorexia isn't my issue, I see you and hear you, and I hope that you are well on your way to healing the underlying issues that cause your struggle with anorexia. 🤗
I relate so much to this Christine. And I see the threads (tentacles?) of religious trauma through my journey as well. I used to run (simply for weight control, not joy in the least) and I would quote verses from Paul to myself as I ran 😅💀 These days I focus on gentle movement (only what feels good or makes me feel strong) and eating intuitively, never count calories ever, and remembering food is fuel. I still occasionally fall back into disordered eating in small ways, usually when I am extremely stressed. But this has given me a lot to work with over the last few years and what comes up for me often is that i still have so much shame around hunger/longing/appetite…I should honestly probably write about it more to sort through all the threads. Thanks for this vulnerable post.
I love the simple joy expressed in your poem! Discovering (I was going to say re-discovering, but there was no first discovery, it feels, so this is the original!) pleasure like this, and learning to enjoy it unabashedly, is such a gift to take in!
Tying dieting to scrupulosity is kinda blowing my mind! The pressure for Christian women to be thin isn't talked about nearly enough. It's so pernicious. Thanks for sharing your journey
I'm not a poet by any stretch, but I wrote some simple poems during my roller coaster experience 4 years (of a kind of paralysis) after becoming an atheist. One of them is about the ability to enjoy something just because it is enjoyable, as opposed to the former position of being an underserving sinner where any good experience is a matter of grace for which you must be grateful. This concept is/was a key aspect of my self discovery, and it happens to be about food. I think this group will understand where I'm coming from (because the people in this group are awesome!).
The poem is called "First Bite":
You know that instant,
When you take the first bite,
And you stop in your tracks
From the sheer delight?
Let it sit on your tongue,
And delay the first swallow,
Savour that flavour
And what will follow?
It goes down smoothly
And reaches your tummy,
You feel it's warmth
And just think "yummy!"
I'll leave it there,
Enjoy the moment,
For that first bite
Can be really potent!
Thanks for sharing a difficult topic for you, Christine. I don't personally connect with the anorexia struggle. But I strongly connect with its causes--low self-esteem and extreme scrupulosity learned from parents and religion. A big increase in my awareness of this came when a member of a mental health group I belong to said to me, "It's OK for you to take up space, Chuck." I don't think I fully realized how repressed and low in self-esteem I am until that moment when someone else saw it and it helped me see it too. I want you to know that even though anorexia isn't my issue, I see you and hear you, and I hope that you are well on your way to healing the underlying issues that cause your struggle with anorexia. 🤗
I relate so much to this Christine. And I see the threads (tentacles?) of religious trauma through my journey as well. I used to run (simply for weight control, not joy in the least) and I would quote verses from Paul to myself as I ran 😅💀 These days I focus on gentle movement (only what feels good or makes me feel strong) and eating intuitively, never count calories ever, and remembering food is fuel. I still occasionally fall back into disordered eating in small ways, usually when I am extremely stressed. But this has given me a lot to work with over the last few years and what comes up for me often is that i still have so much shame around hunger/longing/appetite…I should honestly probably write about it more to sort through all the threads. Thanks for this vulnerable post.