Why Religious Trauma is Actually Trauma
How a belief system can cause genuine psychological damage
As a therapist who specializes in complex and religious trauma, I’d like to clear up two misconceptions that I perceive people have about religious trauma: that it is either A) a horrible event that occurred in a religious context [think abuse scandals] or B) a fluffy excuse for why embittered people (e.g., exvangelicals) are exiting the church and in no way an actual “trauma.”
Both are incorrect when I talk about religious trauma. Well, A isn’t incorrect, but it’s a particular kind of trauma that doesn’t fully explain many people’s stories. I will explain a more expansive understanding of trauma.
Types of Trauma
Many folks are familiar with the kind of trauma referred to as “shock trauma.” This is the classic terrible-event-occurred and now the individual is suffering symptoms because of what happened. We call it “shock” because it is a shock to the nervous system. It can result in classic post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD): flashbacks, nightmares, avoidance of things that remind one of the event, hypervigilance, mood issues, etc.
But there is another kind of trauma known as developmental, or complex, trauma. Sadly, this kind of trauma doesn’t even have official recognition in the most modern version of the American psychological diagnostic manual (DSM-V). But therapists certainly know better! We see clients who deal with this all the time. It is complex trauma because the thing that occurred was often ongoing – no one specific event to think back on. The person has usually experienced multiple sources of trauma. And what really complicates matters is that it is often even pre-verbal: occurring before a person has language or ability to consolidate memories to recall them explicitly later. (Like most people can’t remember events before the age of about 5).
In order to understand religious trauma fully, we need recognize it often occurs as developmental, or complex, trauma: C-PTSD for short. (I make this case throughout my book). Religious trauma is more than just sexual abuse in the church, or being manipulated by a narcissistic church leader, or being beaten as a child for religious reasons (though that is also religious trauma, and I would NEVER want to downplay how terrible all of that is).
How Religious Trauma Affects the Self
Religious trauma can occur on such a subtle level that people don’t even recognize it for what it is until they get out of the religious system. It changes the way a person feels about themselves and instills a deep sense of shame, fear, and uncertainty. It breaks a person’s sense of trust in themselves. It can contribute to depression, anxiety, relationship struggles, and more.
With “regular” developmental trauma, it is the caregivers who often have created or contributed to an environment that has somehow failed a child. (We all receive failures and all parents fail in some way, but hopefully it’s mild). With religious trauma, we have parallels for the parental caregivers: it might literally be your own parents, or it could be conceptions of God, or it could be a church community or religious teachings. All of these send messages to people about their worth and who they are and who they should not be.
“Toxic shame” is the phrase we use in NARM (the trauma modality I’m training in) to describe self-hatred – conscious or unconscious – that develops as a survival strategy to protect oneself from loss of connection from loved ones (caregivers). As children, we find it unbearable to think that our parents / caregivers are untrustworthy, not loving enough, or failing us. So instead, we frequently internalize those failures when we are children and blame ourselves for the lack of love we received.
In religious systems, we often internalize those same failures: blaming ourselves for what may actually be an environmental problem. How many times have I heard people berate themselves for not being [pure enough, kind enough, moral enough, abstinent enough, happy enough, straight enough, submissive enough, etc] and I just want to say: What if you don’t have to be that way?? People feel crushing guilt that they don’t “feel” close enough to God. But meanwhile, God is a semi-trustworthy being who will willingly send you to hell if you don’t have the right beliefs. What if the smartest thing to do was not trust that God? What if you weren’t the one to blame at all?
Religious trauma can begin to release its shackles when people are able to step back from the beliefs they always thought were The Only Right Way, and consider whether such beliefs actually contribute to their well-being. But that’s only the beginning of the healing process. We’ll talk more about what the healing might look like in the next newsletter.