Why Is There So Much Cruelty In the "Family Values" Party?

It's a futile question but I can't stop looking at it

We’ve been here before, and that’s one of the most frustrating parts about it. Why are we dealing with the same insanity as we did in 2016 and 2020? Why are we stuck in the same doom cycle? Why are we still trying to make sense of how so many Christians find their support of Trump completely justifiable?

If you are either a) on a higher spiritual plane altogether and have transcended such silly questions, or b) find election talk far too triggering right now, feel free to give this read a pass, but I (and many in my life) have been sucked back into trying to answer the unanswerable, so maybe we can all exist in this space together.

I find myself of two minds when trying to understand Trump voters: they are my clients and my neighbors, not just a theoretical sociological group. One side of me wants to be compassionate and curious about others’ voting decisions. I know that probably most people are fairly low-information voters, making decisions based on things like gas and grocery prices that tend to have very little to do with who is president (but, I try to rationalize in this gracious state, maybe nobody ever told them that? IDK…). Maybe others still vote on abortion (even with the stacked Supreme Court having already made that choice for us, but whatever), or some fearmongering about illegal immigrants coming in caravans and flooding the border.

The other side of me… is much more, um, cynical about people’s motives. I suppose we are also talking about a distinction between MAGA voters (who deserve all the cynicism, in my view) and the hold-your-nose-and-vote-for-Trump voters.

Driving back from a local farm last weekend, my family passed this homemade sign along a county road:

Image courtesy of a local Dem from Facebook because I was too shocked to photograph it myself. Also, can we talk about that errant apostrophe?

This crude fellow is far from the only person to include the word “fuck” in their public signage, though I’ve mostly seen it in reference to Joe Biden. But wow! Besides feeling offended (much as I didn’t want to get agitated by that, it was hard not to), I was astounded by what must go through a person’s mind to brazenly display something so crass and degrading. Perhaps he lives in a bubble where he only knows Trump supporters, and a Harris voter is nothing more than an abstract concept. Perhaps he only has hatred and fear in his heart. Perhaps no one ever taught him decency, manners, or respect?

His sign is not representative of all Trump voters; I know that (“but not ALL ___!!” crow the defensive). But I struggle to understand how a party that once (ahem, still does, though it’s laughable now) called itself the party of “family values” has normalized such indecent, callous behavior. It’s not like this is thrown around only on internet forums. It’s displayed in the open, by school bus stops, along county roads, where *clutches pearls* the children (!!) can see it.

Most of us here, I imagine, don’t spend time listening to Trump’s actual speeches and latest ramblings; we might see a reference to it on social media or in one of the many fine Substack publications with a specific political focus. But perhaps you have been made aware of him calling anyone who doesn’t support him — from bigwig Democratic leaders to run-of-the-mill Harris supporters — the “enemy from within.” Others have waxed more eloquent than I about how this is a direct link to authoritarian and fascist tendencies. It is no secret Trump would love nothing more than being a dictator were he to get into office again.

I’m noticing the swaths of people he is dehumanizing are growing ever larger. As I wrote about last week, I am furious that trans folks and undocumented immigrants have been scapegoated as the cause of America’s ills (and “ill” we are, but not for the reason he would say…). It is bad enough to target those marginalized groups, but it is not enough for him.

What has always felt most frightening to me was not that a man like Trump exists, but that ~48% of the country’s electorate finds it a perfectly valid option to put him in the most powerful position in the country. Millions upon millions of people justify their choice because… because why? Because, one might theorize, our worst instincts make us incredibly selfish, self-serving people who are easily moved by fear and become only interested in protecting ourselves and those we consider “same” as us.

By operating in a selfish, fearful state, we are too willing to dehumanize the “other.” We are willing to let terrible things happen to them. We are happy to enforce our will on them, forgetting that others should be granted free will just as we ourselves are. We put our trust in false security, we are activated by lies that “feel right” because they echo what we want to believe, and we scapegoat any out-group that is conveniently marginalized anyway.

On first glance, it seems puzzling that those who call themselves Christians would support such an awful man with awful policies. Right?!? Well, not to toot our own horns, but there was a mass evacuation of now-exvangelicals in 2016 once we realized that the religious affiliation we held dear was nothing but a pile of hypocrisy. Leaving behind… those who didn’t care. But second, in the conservative evangelical bubble, you are taught that anyone not like you is bad. Dangerous. Less than. Not welcome in the inner rings of power.

It feels like a different life, but before my world expanded and I met other people of other races, other religions, and other political affiliations, I would have felt they were dangerous, corrupting, untrustworthy. I was raised around very conspiratorial thinking, and were I not lucky enough to have exposure beyond that, I might have fallen down the rabbit hole thoroughly myself. (Maybe. It’s possible!) I found safety in the formulaic, guaranteed-answers approach to life where belief in Jesus would somehow make everything work out.

Until it all fell apart, of course.

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The last thought I want to leave with is this: I am aware it is a delicate dance I’m doing talking about this… because I too am feeling afraid. The Trump voters that want me to fuck off feel extremely “other” to me and it is hard to muster up that curiosity or compassion I referenced at the top of the article. If it were possible, I’d want to magic up a world where we don’t have to worry about this again, even against the will of the authoritarian-inclined among us.

I want to take care to not do the very thing I’m calling them not to do. I don’t want to dehumanize. I want to try not to hate. I’m trying (tentatively, impossibly) to not be completely afraid about our political realities. I’m being outside in the fall leaves and focusing on my running and my clients and these two gorgeous kids for whom I hope we still have a viable world when they grow up.

We’re so close to Election Day, you guys. (Not that I think our troubles will end there by any means!). I took my kids to early vote with me last Friday, and hopefully you’ve got a voting plan in place too! Feel free to share something positive in the comments, your voting experience, or hey, just join in my anxious fretting. I’m game for whatever 🙃 Or just press the “heart” if you liked the post!