The Ethics of Being a Parent Who Protests
Thoughts about engaging young kids in activism
How does one be a parent AND a politically engaged citizen, to whatever degree one feels personally called? And to what degree do we involve our children in such public life?
Not that I remember it, but when I was a small child, I was taken to anti-abortion rallies. So I also consider this question with the perspective that one day, my children might feel differently than I do on the political issues we’re engaging in. (I mean obviously I’m on the RIGHT side of history and human rights and I’m doing my best to raise compassionate, conscious citizens, so it SHOULD be fine lol… but my parent thought and still thinks that they were right. So there’s a chance my kids could split ways with me, I know.)
I might be pretty shy with social anxiety, but golly I love a good rally or protest. I’ve participated in five this year so far and intend to keep going to more. I love making signs, I love chanting slogans with a group, I love the energy that comes from being with a group embodying resistance to wrongs.
And because we live an hour away from Columbus, where most of the protests that I go to are, I’m either gone for a good portion of the day, or it’s a family affair with the kids. I want to involve my kids in ways that feel safe, healthy, and empowering, and I don’t want to put them at risk or feel like I’m indoctrinating them the way I was indoctrinated at a young age. How does one find the balance?
My children are 3 and 5, so we’re at the age where physical safety and stamina are primary concerns, less so about the specific political messaging they’re absorbing. Here’s some of the principles that guide me; I would love to hear your perspectives!
Race as protectant and motivation: My children are white as are both their parents, so we start at lower risk than another family of color might. I also feel it is our responsibility to help clean up this white people mess that we’ve created. Both aspects create more motivation to get out in the streets.
Safety first: No night protests or protests that might have more air of risk or danger. The Proud Boys were rumored to come to a recent Tesla protest, and I intentionally left my kids at home that day. (the Proud Boys counterprotesters ended up at about 20, while the protesters numbered about 1,000, if you wanted to know!)
Avoiding indoctrination: So far my oldest has been pretty uncurious about why these big groups are gathering, so I haven’t engaged her in a lot of conversation about it. I also treat them as my tagalongs and companions— they’re there because I’m there— and don’t push them to join in ways they’re not interested in. Unless they want to hold my sign for a minute, I don’t have them hold signs they don’t understand the meaning of (which is… all of them, at this point!). All the indoctrination I went through as a kid makes me extra sensitive to feeling like I’m putting thoughts in their head or speaking for them!
Parents are people (and protesters!) too: This is how I live life and parent in general, which feels oddly old-fashioned in our current intensive parenting environment. I’m a lot of things in addition to “mom.” It matters to me personally that I participate how I can in fighting fascism and promoting democracy, and if that means my children are sometimes along for the ride in said participation…so be it. I obviously think the cause is important and trust one day they will think so too. And I hope one day they’ll look back and think it was pretty cool that when they were an adorable preschooler, their parents were doing their best to create a better future for them — and they got to be part of it.
This will get more complicated — but more interesting! — as they get older, and I’m looking forward to having conversations with them about fairness, equality, justice, democracy, and what happens when selfish people make up lies and get too much power. My big hope is we do this with enough open-minded curiosity that they don’t feel they were brainwashed, the way I feel about my own childhood. But I’ll admit it’s a strange bridge to jump over: having grown up ferociously indoctrinated into the supposed One Right Way, only to leave it of my own accord and now try to raise children on the other side of the river, being pretty ferocious in my new beliefs, hoping to not do to my children what was done unto me.
As Chappell Roan might say…. Good luck, babe!! 😁
What are your thoughts, either for yourself as a former child, or trying to raise children in a way that probably strongly parts from your own upbringing? If you’re a parent (or not!), do you have thoughts to add about engaging kids in activism / rallies / protests?
"Unless they want to hold my sign for a minute, I don’t have them hold signs they don’t understand the meaning of"
I like this one. I always feel a bit weird when I see really little kids holding signs at protests. It's cute, and I get it, but, seemingly like you, it sometimes reminds me of being brainwashed as a child. Not that I think that's happening at all, but it just brings back some of those feelings. I'd rather wait until they can express that they know what's going on and why we're here.
Oof, this is a lot to think about. Our 9 year old loves coming to protests. It’s rough to think they might not agree one day, which gives me a lot of empathy for my mom with whom I now vehemently disagree.